How do you choose your circle of friends? Who do you choose to surround yourself with? Does this determine your happiness?
Media representation
Inter-abled relationships aren’t represented in the media which makes it difficult to picture a future. However, after what can definitely be called a rocky start to the dating world, I have found someone who doesn’t see my disability but just sees me as a person.
Personally, I can say that I definitely see a future now. I am not just a disabled individual. I am a friend, aunt, daughter, sister, and girlfriend.
Fitting in
Everyone in this world wants to fit in, and everyone in this world wants to feel that they are understood. I personally feel like everybody deserves to be understood. Everybody deserves the opportunity to share a story in order to create understanding. In this life, there are so many opportunities to grow and understand somebody and where they have come from.
I have not always been very good at asking for help. I have often wanted to show that I am independent. Over and above all that, I wanted to prove that I am not broken or useless. It has taken me many years to understand that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is rather a sign of strength and personal understanding. You learn that people want to help because they genuinely care about you, not because they are expected to.
Understanding my friends
Having grown up with a burden complex and always being worried about having a “normal” future. I hadn’t ever put much thought into my future relationships.
I often felt that I should take the friendships that I was given because I was lucky. Anyone who was willing to be my friend or someone in my life was doing me a favour. I overcompensated because I always thought it was extremely difficult to be my friend and to be involved in my life. I came to the clear understanding after many years that just because I am different doesn’t reduce my ability to be a good friend. A friendship is not like any other relationship. It involves understanding, common communication, and compromise. Sometimes you need to be there more for your friend, and sometimes it’s the other way around.
Some people say that individuals enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. For me, the statement is so true because you never know for what reason or for how long somebody is meant to be in your life. People in my life who have been there for a very long time and who have a clear understanding of what it means to be in a “relationship” with me. It isn’t always easy to understand being in a friendship or relationship with someone with a disability as well as a rare disease. Long-term friendships become easier. They have a very clear understanding of you and your lifestyle. I’m also a big fan of consistency, and I don’t like change, so I don’t love having to meet new people, which is weird for someone who enjoys being social too.
Long-term friends
I am extremely lucky that I have had friendships for so many years. As a group (Round Table Kids), my friends have been called forced friends because we grew up together. This is due to the fact that our parents were friends before we were born. These kinds of friendships are not necessarily forced, but you do have a common understanding because your parents are quite similar and they do a lot of things together. We are also always there for each other for all the big milestones.
One of my best friends was born six weeks after my sister and I, and her mother is our godmother. We’ve been friends forever. We’ve done long distance, we’ve done studying in different areas, and we’ve gone through all the highs and lows together. We may not see each other every day, which I’ve definitely learned becomes a part of adulthood, but we know that if we really need each other, we are there!
When you grow up in a friendship, you both tend to change quite a lot. My friend and I have been friends since grade one. We definitely experienced a roller coaster when it came to friendship, emotions, growth, and change. She’s one of the most genuine and beautiful people with the kindest heart. It is extremely difficult to live so far away from each other. I’m forever grateful for modern technology when it comes to long-distance relationships.
Making new friends
I struggle with the concept of building relationships. I feel the need to explain myself as well as give people a reason to stay. On the first day of university, I was extremely nervous because I felt like I had been thrown into a world of the unknown. I’m not a big fan of change, and I coincidentally realized I’m not a big fan of doing things alone. It was the first time I had attended a school without either an assistant or my sister in a class with me. I called my sister, who happened to be at the same university, and said I didn’t know if I could do this alone.
She came, and she saw a bunch of girls standing outside our lecture hall and connected with one of them. Little did we know that she was connecting with our future best friend, which is probably one of the greatest things to have ever happened in my life. She was so willing to help, and we became friends instantly.
Lessons that I have learned
Honesty is a crucial component of both a good friendship and a healthy relationship in general. It is important to be open, transparent, and genuine in your communication while also striving to be understanding and empathetic as an individual. While it can be difficult to hear the truth at times, it is vital to do so in order to build trust and strengthen the relationship.
It’s important to avoid comparing yourself or your relationship to others. Every individual’s feelings and situation are valid. Take a moment to be grateful for your friendships and relationships. Always remember that it’s equally important to be true to yourself and never compromise your authenticity. Embrace your uniqueness, and let it shine through in all that you do. After all, that’s what makes you special!
The value of a friendship isn’t determined by its length. Change isn’t always negative; growth is important in relationships. Trust and humor are the foundations of a good relationship.
“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”
Muhammad Ali
